A relationship coach works with relationship systems whether they are in the workplace or in families or friendships or even within the individual, like exploring various aspects of oneself or exploring the relationship between the person and money, food, body, health, work...etc. A Relationship system is a set of relationships between a group of individuals who have a shared purpose and depend on each other to survive and thrive. A family or a team in an organization are relationship systems, but a group of people watching a movie together at the cinema are not.
Relationship coaches work with three types of intelligence
- Emotional intelligence EQ: which refers to your awareness of your own emotions and your ability to process and manage them.
- Social Intelligence SQ: your ability to sense and detect what other people are feeling and act accordingly.
- Relationship Systems Intelligence RSI: Your awareness of what is going on inside a relationship and your ability to understand and deal with a relationship.
A relationship coach works with the relationship system, which means that they will not work with the individual members of the relationship, but with the relationship system itself. Relationship coaches see the system as a living breathing unique entity with its own wisdom, intelligence, and resourcefulness. These are the five principles of Relationship Systems intelligence according to the ORSC (Organization and Relationships Systems Coaching) created by Faith Fuller and Marita Fridjhon
Relationship Systems are naturally intelligent, creative and generative.
Every member of the relationship system is a voice of the system.
Each relationship system has it’s own unique identity or personality.
Relationship systems rely on roles for their functioning.
Relationship systems are in a constant state of emergence.
When you hire a relationship coach, whether it is for team coaching or family-related coaching, the first thing they will do is assess the relationship system. They can do that using many different tools, but the most basic tool is interviewing the team or family or couple. They will ask a lot of questions in order to understand what is going on in your relationship and how they can help you. Next, they will study their findings and come up with a coaching plan for you. After that, they will sit down with you as a system and discuss their findings and coaching plan and come up with a coaching agreement with you. This agreement is translated into a contract that you sign with them and the coaching process begins. During the assessment (or discovery phase,) your coach would have given you a list of your system’s challenges and another one of your system’s strengths. The challenges become the topics for coaching or what we call coaching foci in addition to any other topics that might come up during coaching. The strengths and values of your system become a source to draw from during coaching. During coaching, the relationship coach will use a variety of tools, skills, and competencies to help your family or team reach their goals:
– By holding the relationship as the client.
– By holding your relationship system as naturally creative, regenerative, and intelligent.
– By helping your relationship system set goals and define outcomes that it wants to reach by the end of coaching.
– By reading the emotional field EF and reflecting it back to the system. The emotional field is the mood or emotional atmosphere in a relationship.
– By revealing the relationship to itself.
– By practicing good ethics.
– By holding the agenda of the relationship system.
– By educating you on Relationship Systems Intelligence and on the various tools and principles of relationship systems coaching.
– By coming from specific intentions or attitudes known as Metaskills.
– By Listening carefully to every voice in the system.
– By working with the roles in your relationship system.
– By coaching your relationship from different perspectives and levels of its existence.
– By agreeing with you on some actions and holding you accountable for carrying them out.
In summary, a relationship coach can work with teams, families, couples, or any other type of relationship. The coach starts by evaluating the relationship system for strengths and challenges, then agreeing with the clients on a road map to move forward. The coach holds the relationship system as the client and listens to every voice in the system while using really powerful tools to help the relationship system see itself and find its own answers.
Bushra Dudeen
ORSCC, ACC, CTI, MS ECE
